that I may see

Chelsea, April C.,Katie, Sr. Sandra, Me, Kristen and Sr. Tuyet

The blind man in Luke's Gospel today is one of my favorites. He cries out to Jesus, "Son of David, Have Mercy on Me," and is not deterred by those in the crowd trying to force him back and quiet him. When Jesus calls him and asks what he wants, he responds simply and faithfully, "Lord, that I may see."
I've been asking that myself lately and here are a few things He's shown me ...
 -  If I can continue to trust, really trust, He will provide. Like last week when I just needed a little break from day to day life and Sr. took us out for coffee and then to watch the sunset on the beach after class.
- God will never be outdone in generosity. When I give all I can, He gives back so much more. This past weekend we were able to visit our Sisters and several of our schools in San Antonio. It was a quick trip, but a lot of time spent sharing our stories with the young people and encouraging them to think about their vocation. What a beautiful ministry to share in and great opportunity to see our Sisters at work and how alive the Salesian family spirit is!

Remember the Alamo! (With the Aspirants of the West)

- Embrace the hope and joy this life has to offer. It's not all rainbows and unicorns, but there are many blessings each day, if we open our eyes and look for them. Like the little boy who was so excited to share that his Mom is from KS just like me. Or the tough 8th grader who gave me a hug and apologized profusely after accidentally kicking me with the soccer ball at recess. Or our dear 94 year old Sr. saying, "Nothing works, and everything hurts, but you know, I don't feel old." What a beautiful gift to be able to be optimistic.

- Be at peace wherever you find yourself. God has brought you to this situation, person, work, etc. according to His plan, and its the best one! I didn't expect to ever wear stockings at the beach or eat a 42" pizza, but I can't complain!
So I guess what He's showing me, is the Postulant life is grace-filled and as always, each day is a new adventure. I pray that you may have "the eyes of your hearts enlightened that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you." Eph. 1:18

To be led closer

In prayer these last few weeks I feel Jesus is really saying to me, come closer, let me lead you. "The lowly spirit ceases to depend upon itself, but leans for support on Him who upholds all things." I first have to recognize my littleness, how much I am lacking and how utterly I need Him. Only then can I begin to truly follow.
We recently had the joy of attending a concert with Audrey Assad, a phenomenal musician. It was more of a prayer and praise session than concert, which was even better. One of my favorite songs she sang was called Lead Me On. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO7UXya62ko This is a link to it. It's all about Psalm 23: following Jesus, trusting in Him and allowing Him to draw us in.
This Friday we will officially become Postulants! Crazy to think its already been a year of adventures with the Salesians! I have to admit, I am still surprised often, and learning to continue to just laugh, embrace it and enjoy the ride!
Some unexpected surprises of the last two months in California:
- Playing tag, started by Sr. Tuyet on the front lawn of the convent.
- Riding a tricycle in a jumper.
- Walking on the beach while wearing hose.
- Trying avocado shakes at the Vietnamese Festival.
- Picking Guavas with our sweet little neighbor.
- Getting hypnotized during our Intercongregational formation class.
Today is a beautiful feast - Our Lady of the Rosary. It is the reason that October is the month of the Rosary. It dates back to the 1500s and encourages us to see the Rosary as a powerful aid in obtaining help and graces. One beautiful part of meditating and reflecting on the role that Mary played in our Salvation is how she always leads us back to Jesus. Without Him, she wouldn't be significant, but without her 'yes' we wouldn't have a Savior. She teaches us with her example what it means to be poor in spirit. We reserve our hearts only for God and serve others because we are detached from material goods. We are trying to love the sacrifices poverty entails and to live a simple life. Poverty well-lived allows us to put our hope in God alone and to allow Him to lead us on.

For Peace

So today the Holy Father, Pope Francis, has asked the world to join together in praying for Peace:
"I have decided to proclaim for the whole Church ... a day of fasting and prayer for peace in Syria, the Middle East, and throughout the world, and I also invite each person including our fellow Christians, followers of other religions, and all men of good will, to participate, in whatever way they can, in this initiative."
Our Mother General (head honcho of all the Salesian Sisters) also wrote a letter encouraging us to participate in this day of solidarity and reminded us that we can be bearers of peace everyday: in teaching the children we work with how to deal with conflict, in our own daily encounters with others and in our living of Christ's call to be charitable to all. She mentioned how in a particular way through this effort we are in solidarity with our Sisters who are present in Egypt and Syria.
Sometimes I feel very removed from the world, especially living in the convent. I guess that's sort of the point, to be living 'set apart' from the world. I focus on what we've "given up" to live this life and what a sacrifice that can be. Today we meditated on Luke's Gospel where Jesus tells us, anyone who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple. Wow. Not sugar coating anything there. Sister had asked us to reflect on what is our everything, our possessions that we are holding on to, that are keeping us from really embracing the all that He has to offer us. For me, often its my will, my pride, my selfishness. I get caught up in what I want, what I know or how I am feeling. How silly to think that these could be more important than His endless blessings ... graces ... mercy. If I can only let go of all I'm holding onto and empty myself, He will be able to fill me up.
Times like this remind me how connected we are to our Brothers and Sisters in the faith everywhere. Here we are doing something so small, spending some extra time in prayer and reflection, skipping a meal, in order to remind ourselves that in other parts of the world, people are suffering immensely. They are unable to go to Church to pray, they are unable to leave their house to buy food, because they are in a war zone. We are in communion with them when we take seriously our responsibility to be people of peace. We encounter people who are suffering everyday. Not in the same way, but these are our opportunities to respond to His call. To smile at the person who is grumpy with you, to correct a mistake without complaining, to overlook a defect in someone you live or work with, to accept criticism without excusing yourself and to offer all these things with joy. This allows us to realize that even though we have probably never experienced anything like what our Brothers and Sisters in the Middle East are living, we can still be united with them, keeping them in our minds and on our hearts through prayer and sacrifice.
Won't you join us in praying and living as people of peace?

To Sunny California!

"This land is your land, this land is my land, from California, to the New York Island ..." As I sang these words along with the kids yesterday morning, I thought, "Hey, I know these places now!" Thanks to the last year of formation near NYC and now beginning this journey of our 2nd year in Bellflower, CA, I can relate to this song in a whole new way. It is a beautiful country we live in, and I'm grateful to experience more of it.

Chelsea and I with our 4th of July Brownies!

We are getting settled in to our house here in what could affectionately be called "Salesian country". Our house is across from the convent, which is next to the gradeschool (K-8), followed by the Salesian parish that is run by our Salesian Priests, Brothers and Sisters. Down the block is the all boys High School that the Priests and Brothers staff and the guys in their first year of formation live next to. I'll have to take some pictures so you can get a more accurate idea of just how thriving this Salesian community is. Our second night here we were able to attend the Mass of one of our Brothers making his first profession. It was beautiful after seeing our Sisters just a few weeks ago take their vows and be able to share in the joy of celebrating their consecrated lives. So many people from the community introduced themselves and welcomed us. It was strange, but really nice, that they knew who we were: soon to be Postulants; not orphans, flight attendants, Amish or any of the other random lifestyles we've been asked about.
On Wednesday the kids started school and it has been really wonderful to be a part of the morning welcome! We "assist" in the mornings by helping the children cross the parking lot safely and then just hanging out with the kids in the playground before morning announcements. I've been really enjoying that they have their all school assembly outside and all outdoor hallways. :) The kids are really friendly and open, willing to talk and share - I love elementary school!
Yesterday we celebrated the feast of the Queenship of Mary, and Sr. Carmen challenged us to share our love for her with others. She shared a reflection on our own image of Mary Help of Christians who is depicted very much as a Queen Mother. She is wearing a crown, a symbol of royalty. She's holding a scepter, a sign of her power to intercede for us and pray for us. And she is holding little Baby Jesus, but not close to her. It's as if she's holding Him out to us, offering her son and willing us to take Him and draw Him close to our hearts. She always wants to give us the best - Jesus! It was a goal for me to share with a few of the children before school. What a beautiful witness they are for us, so simple, uncomplicated, innocent and joyful. They know what it means to really love with all your heart and mind and strength. At camp this summer and again here I'm beginning to realize just how much my spirit is lifted being around the children and how they really draw me to praise God for calling me to live among the young. It's a beautiful life and I couldn't ask for more.

To Trust

"Be Not Afraid." These words, I have heard so many times this week, the Gospel reading during Mass, other books I'm reading, in speaking about perseverance our theme for the week at camp, and in it all I hear Christ speaking to my heart. 'Trust me.' he says. 'Do not be afraid.' In my meditation this week about the scene where the Apostles are convinced their boat will sink as Jesus sleeps through the storm it commented, "It's as if Jesus had said, 'Don't you realize that I am with you, and that this should give you an unwavering steadfastness even though you are surrounded by difficulties?' The he rebuked the winds and the sea and there was a great calm." It made me realize how often I focus on the storm, the wind and the waves instead of taking comfort and finding peace in the fact that God is with me.
This past month has offered me a lot of time to reflect on this first year in the convent. The end of our regular classes, a wonderful visit home and now being back for camp has given me a little distance, and with that a new perspective. At home I began to see how following this Vocation has already begun to affect those in my family and close friends. I felt the separation more than ever from the world and the great contrast the simplicity our life here allows. I also was able to see the beautiful bonds that God has allowed to be formed in many relationships that are deeper than the circumstances that originally brought us together. They allow me to look beyond the surface, not just in living in the same state, liking the same kind of sports or working in the same place, but in recognizing the kind hearts, genuine self-giving and peaceful spirits that drew me to these souls in the first place. My heart was so full in being able to share a little of the reality of our life and receive so much support and encouragement from those I love.


Nothing says Home like a sea of gold and wide open sky!

 When I think about those difficulties that are storms in my life, my desire to be in control, my fear of imperfection and begin to feel the panic the Apostles experienced, I remind myself to trust and really believe that God is with me. There are so many examples of this in my daily life. Last weekend we went to an ordination for two of our Salesian Priests. It was such a powerful experience during the Litany asking for the Saints' intercession as we sang the names of so many Salesian Saints who are interceeding for us all the time, I could really sense their presence and knew that we were all truly united, praying and praising together. We began camp last week and are currently working with about 200 energetic campers. We have an awesome high school and college staff of counselors who do a wonderful job encouraging their kids, motivating them to climb the hill and play all sorts of crazy games that we dream up to help them have fun while learning to be Good Christians and Good Citizens. They all really give me great hope for the future of the Chruch. The eagerness to learn and ability to put into practice what we're sharing is incredible. I am so thankful for this opportunity to be back in a summer camp setting and really striving, as my friend Brandon says, to make each day the Best Day Ever!

To where Jesus is waiting for us!

Happy Ascension Thursday! We remember today that Jesus has not left us orphans, but promises to send us His Holy Spirit. He is no longer physically here on earth, but we are! We, the Church, are now to be His body on earth and carry on the mission to witness to Him and spread the Gospel. I've been thinking what does it really mean to be a witness? St. Josemaria Escriva says, "Our responsibility is great because to be Christ's witness implies first of all that we should try to behave according to His doctrine, and that we should struggle to make our actions remind others of Jesus and his most loveable personality." When I read this, I think, "Ok follow His teachings, I can do that." But the second part really gets me. I feel that struggle to make my actions remind others of Jesus, and oftentimes they are anything but loveable. As I reflect on these past few weeks, its easy for me to pinpoint some of those struggles: my stubbornness, pride, selfishness, and I know those are definitely not leading others to Jesus. However, when God gives me the grace to overcome myself, in just a little way, I am able to reflect His Love. Usually I am surprised at how a little sacrifice like spending some extra time with the students, can result in a beautiful conversation about following God's will for us, or how staying up to keep someone company ends with a late night ice cream snack. Today I was reminded of this in a very real way when I went on an errand to the post office. After two of the postal workers going out of their way to help me, in spite of being very busy, I met my friend in the parking lot. I'm not positive that he is homeless, but he definitely spends most of his day outside the shopping center helping pick up the carts. We had a delightful conversation and I was so uplifted by his outlook. He said, "I don't take anything for granted, not even my next breath. I'm thankful for everything I have." What a testament to a life lived in hope and gratitude! God knows us and how to give us these glimpses of His grace!

 

We had the opportunity recently to hear Christopher West speak on his new book, "Fill These Hearts".  It is a beautiful testimony to our Christian belief that we were created for more. Nothing on this earth can satisfy our deepest desires, because we were made for Heaven and to be united with God. He points out that intimate love with a spouse is meant to give us a glimpse of that "Heavenly Banquet", but can never fulfill us, because we were created for Love ... God Himself. It's a perfect reminder on this feast of the Ascension that Jesus is going ahead of us to prepare a place for us. He doesn't ask the Father to take us out of the world, but to keep us from evil. He desires us to live, love and serve in order to bring about a more just and peaceful society. He wants us to be His representatives here on earth.
Today our challenge is not to 'stand there staring up at the sky' after Jesus has ascended, but to get out and share this message with the world. Our Savior Lives! He is in each one of us and is sending us forth to Follow His Call.








 

To Praise the Lord!

Alleluia! He is Risen! We enjoyed a beautiful celebration of Easter here in the convent, and are continuing to praise God throughout this Easter season. I would always tell my students, there's a reason the Easter season is the longest season in the Church - 50 days. The miracle of Jesus' Resurrection is truly the foundation of our faith and a cause for great joy. If He conquered sin and death, what do we have to fear?
Listening to the Gospels this week I'm struck by the unbelief and hard-headedness of the disciples. How many times had Jesus spoken to them about his death and resurrection. And yet, who was watching and waiting outside of his tomb? The soldiers. As Fulton Sheen points out, no other time in history has anyone ever guarded the tomb of a dead person for fear that they would come out of it. The women were coming to the tomb, not to prove that He had risen, but to anoint and prepare the body for burial. And upon finding the tomb empty, they weren't overjoyed, but distraught; assuming someone had "taken" Jesus away. Mary Magdalen believes only after Jesus says her name, Peter only after seeing Jesus himself, and the disciples on the road to Emmaus only after he blesses the bread and breaks it to share with them like he's done before. Not the angels' words, nor the testimony of Mary Magdalen after speaking with Jesus can convince the other disciples. Only one, upon seeing the empty tomb understands it's meaning: John, the beloved disciple. Father mentioned, that John was able to interpret the Resurrection because He was loved by God and loved Him in return. Because of this perfect love that casts out all fear and doubt, he was able to accept the empty tomb and know the truth. We can be hardheaded and stubborn just like the disciples, but we must remember the result of the story. Pope Francis shared this reflection in his Easter message: "What was a simple act, done surely out of love – going to the tomb – has now turned into an event, a truly life-changing event. Nothing remains as it was before, not only in the lives of those women, but also in our own lives and in the history of mankind. Jesus is not dead, he has risen, he is alive!"

I am thankful for our new Holy Father and his words of wisdom to help us truly enter into this Easter Season. We enjoyed waiting and watching with the world during his election and are excited for this new time in our Church. He has called us to truly go out "to the peripheries, not only geographically, but also the existential peripheries: the mystery of sin, of pain, of injustice, of ignorance and indifference to religion, of intellectual currents, and of all misery" to serve those in need.

Our way of participating in the Conclave...

Habemus Papam: Pope Francis!



White Smoke, we have a Pope ... we don't know who yet.

I also love how Mary the Mother of God isn't among the women going to prepare Jesus' body. She knows he won't be there, and her constant faith and hope in God are a source of strength once again for all Christians. She is the example of fidelity and being at peace in accepting the will of God. How often is it hard for me to hear something and accept it. Even when I know it's true or for my good. How difficult it can be to encounter something unexpected. We must not be afriad of God's surprises! Because, as Pope Francis reminds us, "He always surprises us! The Lord is like that. ... let us not be closed to the newness that God wants to bring into our lives! Let us not close our hearts, let us not lose confidence, let us never give up: there are no situations which God cannot change, there is no sin which he cannot forgive if only we open ourselves to him. Let the risen Jesus enter your life, welcome him as a friend, with trust: he is life! If up till now you have kept him at a distance, step forward. He will receive you with open arms. If you have been indifferent, take a risk: you won’t be disappointed. If following him seems difficult, don’t be afraid, trust him, be confident that he is close to you, he is with you and he will give you the peace you are looking for and the strength to live as he would have you do."

Into the Desert

Lent. One of my favorite seasons of the year. A time to find our "Desert", to re-center ourselves, to be strengthened to continue our mission. A time of quiet and sacrifice; a time when we examine closely our defects and failings and make a tangible resolution to improve. The season to enter into the "Desert" with Jesus. Not to be tempted (although surely that will come), but to be prepared, as Jesus was during his 40 days fasting and praying in the barrenness. Our Lenten practice is typically one of "giving up" or taking something away in order to fill it with God. This year, as a community we are making a sacrifice of "doing" not something extra, but trying more actively to be aware of God in our daily reality. We have in our Rule of life to maintain moderate silence during the day in the convent. This can be a challenge, since we like to share with each other and spend time working closely together. However, this Lent we are all making an effort to stay more recollected and quiet without neglecting our duties of being hospitable, friendly and welcoming. This practice has been refreshing and really allowed me to conciously turn my thoughts to our Lord throughout the day, before beginning a new project, while working or reading and to be more respectful and considerate of my Sisters and fellow Aspirants. It has really allowed me to quiet my heart and be aware of God's presence in the little graces received: a smile and quick hello, a beautiful pink sunrise, the stars twinkling overhead, icecream on Sunday ... all the ways He shows how He loves us! I pray that you are able to really be present to those around you and recognize the many little graces He has given you.

I've also been reflecting on the strength and courage of our Holy Father. Our Good Shepherd has led us faithfully these past 8 years and is now selflessly resigning to best provide for the needs of our Church. We had a farewell party to celebrate the legacy "Papa Bene" has left. We had traditional German food including 'Potato Pope Pancakes', a slide show of Pope Benedict XVI and hid some pictures of a German Shepherd (his nickname) around for Sisters to find and win a prize. We shared stories and listened to a message from the Pope himself about his resignition. It was a nice way to show our unity with the Church and sorrow at losing such a humble leader. We watched his final Papal Audience today and heard him say, "Loving the church also means having the courage to make tough choices," and even as the Church passes through stormy seas, "God will not let her sink." We have much to pray for in the coming days as the Cardinals gather for the conclave to elect our new Pope.  

To Celebrate and Defend Life

Happy Feast of Saint John Bosco! I feel like January could be renamed Salesian Month because of all the Feast Days this month. We had Blessed Louis Variara, a missionary priest in Argentina, Blessed Laura Vicuna, a student in the Sisters' school in Chile, St. Francis de Sales, our namesake and bishop in France during a time when the church was in great need of renewal, Blessed Bronislas Markiewicz a Polish priest who worked with poor and orphaned youth, and St. John Bosco, our Italian founder, father and teacher of youth. Needless to say, we've been doing a lot of reflecting on and celebrating these great Saints from our own community and learning from their example how to strive for holiness in our daily lives.
One opportunity we had this past week was to participate in the March for Life, a peaceful protest on the anniversary of the Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision to legalize abortion in the U.S. We traveled with a group of about 50 including students from our high school, teachers and Sisters. What an incredible witness to see so many young people, over 500,000, fighting for the most helpless, the most vulnerable, the most precious in our society. We began with the Life is Very Good rally in Arlington. Seeing all the seminarians, priests and bishops file in for Mass was really moving, and then looking around at all the religious communities and young people I could truly feel the unity of our Church, standing together for something we believe in. We listened to live music from Steve Angrisano and Matt Maher, heard from a speaker who is a sidewalk counselor at Abortion Clinics in Texas and celebrated a phenomenal Mass with Bishop Paul encouraging the young people to live their faith and defend life each day. Then we headed to the Mall for the March itself. I went on the March twice in college so I sort of knew what to expect, but each year is very unique. This year had a different feel, due to my current status in formation, and our being there with the girls. I had a feeling of being really connected to this group, representing our Community and having a purpose. It started snowing just as we began marching and it infused a sense of calm, peace and hope on our pilgrimage. We ran into a few people we knew, which was pretty incredible given the number of people there, prayed a rosary, and joined in the songs and chants of groups around us. Overall, it was a beautiful gift to be able to join together with so many faithful people who are defending Life!

Spending the day getting to know some of the students better was also a big grace. It was an opportunity outside of our routine and a chance to build rapport, ask questions and learn about one another. These young women are truly amazing and so mature. After discussing with them topics from being open to vocations and fighting against Abortion, we agreed that what we really need to do is educate others about what we believe and encourage them to do the right thing. And how beautiful it is that precisely this education is a huge part of our mission as Salesians.
We have been doing some reading on the Preventive System of Education and in honor of St. John Bosco's feast I want to share a few pieces with you that I find really encouraging for educators today. He had a dream or vision in which two of his former students appeared to him and showed him the state of the past and current students and school. This is the advice shared with him, which he now shares with us:
When a person knows he is loved, he will love in return. Affection can't be shown without a friendly relationship and unless affection is seen there can be no confidence. Confidence sets up an electric current between pupils and educators. Hearts are opened, needs and weaknesses made known. This love enables educators to bear with weariness, annoyance, ingratitude or the troubles, failings and neglect of the students. With this true love only the glory of God and the good of souls will be sought.
Humility is the source of all peace and we must learn to put up with the failings of others since there is no perfection in this world, but only in the next. Put an end to criticism which makes the heart grow cold, and most of all, make every effort to live in the holy grace of God. If we are not at peace with God, we are not at peace with ourselves nor with one another. May you know the true Peace of Christ this blessed day!

... To follow the star

Happy Epiphany Week! I love that we are still relfecting on and unpacking the many lessons the Magi, in their search for/ finding of Jesus, have to offer us this week. Well, I have been trying to follow their example of seeking out Jesus in the events of my life this past month.

I had a wonderful trip home and was able to spend a lot of quality time with my family and catch up with many friends. I was also able to share a little with them about my life here in formation with the Sisters and some of the adventures of living in community, although sometimes they are difficult to comprehend. Many events that would happen in normal daily life are more enjoyable, more novel and just more hilarious in the convent.

Take for example, the fire alarm going off at 3 a.m. Tuesday morning. After grabbing our coats, glasses, shoes etc. and running down the stairs, we realized we weren't sure where the meeting spot is for fire alarms. We went out the back door, got locked out, then let back in and joined the rest of the group complete with pajamas, bathrobes, slippers and veils, waiting for the alarm to stop. Then we were greeted by the police and firemen (in full gear) with truck lights flashing trying to figure out the cause. Pretty soon we were recruited by Sister and given a task: buckets, mops, towels ... each returned with her item and we began to clean up the inside "rain" falling from the ceiling in one of the rooms. One of the sprinkler pipes had burst and was leaking, which set off the alarm. Even in this inopportune situation we were able to work together and enjoy each other and I was reminded again of why I love living in community.

I also realized how hard it is to find quiet and time to pray living in the world. In the two weeks on break it was so difficult for me to balance prayer and truly be present to the people around me. As Sister reminded us yesterday in class, you can't live the life of prayer in the same way, when you aren't living in community. I definitely experienced that and longed for it, to refocus and recenter myself on Jesus. One of the most beautiful moments of my vacation was being able to visit the little Adoration Chapel at my parish. It is such a grace to be able to spend some time in front of our Lord and really feel at home.

Every time I read about our founders, St. John Bosco and St. Mary Mazzarello, I am amazed by their presence of God and awareness of Him in every aspect of their day. In their relations with others, always raising their conversations to a higher level and redirecting the minds of their companions to Him, in offering their work and really seeing it as a opportunity to give glory to God, in being truly present and faithful to the times set aside for prayer making it a priority to develop and deepen their spiritual life. They give us an example of really living in union with God and seeking him diligently, as the Wise Men did 2,000 years ago. I pray that as this Christmas season draws to a close, we are able to continue trying to find Jesus in the events, conversations and work of each day.